Truth

Truth I’ve been coaching couples for years and I support them into speaking their truth to teach other, even when it is hard. And what is amazing, is when truth is spoken well, and people learn how to listen well, things can be worked out more smoothly and peace and love shows up in their relationship and intimacy grows!

And…. Most people believe that telling a lie is OK, as long as they feel like you’re protecting the other person. But the real truth is you’re only protecting yourself. Even if you’ve done something horrible and you do not want to share it with your partner or your friend because you’re scared of hurting them. You’re really scared of getting in trouble or being hurt yourself or losing that person out of your life. I mean, really, if you didn’t want to hurt them you wouldn’t have done what you did, yes? You did it for you, so you are protecting you. Protecting you even in saying “I’m not happy” or “something is off and I didn’t know how to say it so I did this”.

I know many say speaking the truth is hard. But it isn’t once you know how. When you know HOW to actually speak the truth, it lands a lot better and the person may still stay in your life I forgive you. But the fact is we all need to learn the way to speak truth our to people. Most of us are taught that little white lies or not saying anything is OK.

But those are the things that get us in trouble and all of our relationships. Think about it, if you actually told your best friend that you didn’t call them last night because you were crying your eyes out over something, or on a hot date with a guy/girl, or you needed alone time…this would grow trust in your relationship. People will feel it when you lie and it will come between you one day. And if it was one of those examples I shared, they can have compassion or celebrate with you.

In your intimate relationships or your deep friendships, or any relationship for that matter. Why not just speak your truth. “I was late because I’m just a late person and I have no concept of time”. Because then at least the person knows you have no concept of time and to show up always 15-20 minutes late because you do. Or, “I was late as I got so engrossed in the book I was reading and didn’t set an alarm to leave on time”…instead of “there was traffic”…which may or may not be true.

Or if you had an affair with someone, tell your partner (in a conscious loving way or with a coach), because the fact is they’re probably going to feel it or find out one day anyway. And if you tell them instead of them finding out, guess what, it’s going to feel much better than them coming from you, then coming from the neighbor.

We need to all stop hiding behind false pretenses and trying to “keep them safe”. All you’re doing is keeping you safe. But are you really safe? Because you’re always fearful of being found out. And that’s not an easy way to live. I’ve seen this ruin couples lives. A secret or lie they have held onto for 20 years, the other person finds out and the relationship falls apart…because it has been in the dark for so long and all trust was destroyed with they found out from someone else. Without trust there is no relationship…without truth there is no foundation to build a relationship on.

Having always wonder if they’re gonna find out or having to hold it inside is very stressful.

And then turn it around, what would happen if you found out your friend or partner lied to you? How would that feel to you? Would it be OK with you to find out the truth through somebody else? Or would you rather hear it from them? Are you one of those people that thinks that “it won’t hurt me if I don’t know”. Well, maybe you are one of those people. But how does that bring you and your partner or your friend closer? If you can’t speak your truth, then why be in that relationship? That’s my question.