Embodying MY Divine Feminine 

These past few weeks have been powerful ones!  Around my birthday I always get a download on what my intention is for the up coming year…and this one is HUGE and challenging for me! One part of it to embody my Divine Feminine in all her power…something that is so very foreign to this tomboy that climbed trees higher than boys, ran faster than most, was trained to take care of myself and not rely up on a man. 

Well there is something deeply calling me…calling me to come back to the feminine, that side of me that is powerful…and yes soft…that side of me that I bury every time it wants to show up if I’m not in an intimate relationship…for being in my soft feminine feels like it is only safe when I’m in an intimate relationship. But now…now it wants to come alive, be held, be opened and be seen, even outside an intimate relationship…this is vulnerable it is challenging, it goes against everything I have been trained growing up. And there are a few parts to it…I want a man to be there as my rock, I want to be “taken care” of in ways that men can take care of women. It’s not that I can’t…it’s that I don’t want to do everything any longer and I'm learning that it feeds men to do things for us, they love it…and then whether it be partnership with amazing powerful women where we work together, support and grow together…or take days to do creative work together, bask in the glow of my own flow and divinity, and be in a relationship that really serves me, lifts me up, holds me and supports me in my work….the things I have always done in my relationships but have never allowed myself to fully receive that back. 

Now it’s time for me to learn this. And even though it’s only a few weeks into this intention, and at the beginning I was really resistant when talking to some of my men friends about what they love about real “feminine” women, which is the opposite of everything I am….though I realize I am finding “MY” feminine. It doesn’t have to look “that way”, it can look my way. And the truth is….even just 2 weeks into this I FEEL amazing!

Something is transforming and alive in me that I’ve never felt. I’m at peace, I am taking my time, I am relaxing, I am no longer upset when people are late…or better yet…when I’m LATE…heaven forbid. I actually told a friend the other day “I’m running 30 minutes late” as I knew I wanted more time in nature…something I’d never do before, and it felt amazing to be true to my flow, to be true to my feminine essence…and to be well received in that. I am loving finding the balance of being able to be on time, and when it’s perfect to be in my nature movement of space and time!

I don’t know how this year will shift and change me…show me who I am in my feminine…but I know this…so far I have been in more connection, more women are in my life, deeper conversations that I love, are happening in my life, I’m not caring so much of what people think of me. My creative side is craving to be activated…singing, dancing, listening to music, sewing, dying clothes, making DVD’s and even being still…yes the creativity of stillness! I am back reading again, something I haven’t done in over a year. That feels so filling to my heart…as it used to be a daily thing for me…Now I have space inside…space to read, space to give more, space to be present for others, all because I’m giving space to me…I’m receiving that space…being in my feminine I am receiving even that which I cannot see..but I can feel…and that in and of it’s self is wondrous! Turning on the Receiving button within me…what a joyous thing to celebrate…now to practice it more and more…as I am not fully comfortable in it yet. But like everything…it is a practice and now I am ready to practice!

The fear of being me is slowly leaving…and that is amazing…and funny enough I feel some fear is writing that…but it is my truth. I am unwinding something deep within me that has needed to unraveled…and I am excited about it. 

I am grateful for the male friends in my life that have given me insight of what they love in a feminine woman…it has really opened something in me…it is showing me what men in their masculine is really wanting….and though I have no interest in changing me to fit into that box…I have an interest in finding my own feminine, within my power…to graciously receive what the masculine, as well as the feminine and the Universe and nature wants to give so beautifully. Letting it all in abundantly and in my own flow. It feels like it’s a “getting to know” my feminine me…who is that and what does she want and how does she want to be. It is coming from inside me, and flowing outward. Even though I’ve been given information from outside, really my work is shifting me on the inside. For example…I was walking on the beach the other day, I was all flowy and soft and then something inside me said “I want to walk more quickly and fiercely”…I had a judgement it was masculine…but I found my feminine in that and it was a balance I hadn’t really consciously looked at before that turned out to be quite perfect!

So….I am blossoming into the feminine that is me, finding balance and flow, accepting and loving me and all my energies as I move through this powerful and yet vulnerable time. Look out for some new Live videos on here soon…as it is time to start going in that direction. Bliss and love!

Time to Embody, Feel & Move It Out, Instead of Think It Out….

I woke up the other morning feeling a bit heavy in the head…much was going on for me…I felt like I had a lot to think about and talk about. And instead of writing, instead of thinking of “how I’d say this”. I paused, I went down to the ground…I felt. I dropped into the heart of the feeling…that pressure the lay heavy in my chest just waiting to be listened to, heard, felt and wanting to see if I’d just be with it. I just paused….all the energy drained out of my head and into my chest, into the feeling of this pressure, this heaviness…it spoke “yes, feel me, feel this…no need to think it, feel it”…so I just stayed there being with every single sensation, feeling almost immediately the pressure being off of me, as all it wanted was my attention…the answer isn’t in “speaking to someone” the answer lies “inside me”. There is no “out there”, there is only “this moment, this feeling”…so I sat with it, moved with it, felt it, allowed it to move through me. I finally stood up to have my friend walk in and ask “are you ok” and that is when a few tears came to the surface…those 3 so precious words of care and love that touch so deeply….  I felt so cared for not only by myself for listening, but by my friend. The pressure that I felt only 20  or less minutes before had left and caused space for him to ask…and love is all that was pouring in. 

It’s time to feel…embody all that we feel, sense, and move with that…I remember as a child I danced 3-5 hours everyday…except when I was hiking. And when I got into my 20’s I remember dancing and looking up into the mirror at one point and paused….what I saw was exquisite…something I’d never seen…it was anger….I was dancing anger….this is one powerful emotion that causes change in us like no other…it is a tool…I remember getting really close to my face and seeing it ooze out of each pore and how amazing it was…I didn’t fear it, I was getting to know it…it was my friend, it was everything I needed to be and feel in that moment and it wasn’t hurting anyone…including me…as it was dancing out of my body…a body that no longer had 3-5 hours to move each day and it was upset about it and needed to speak to me….so I continued it’s dance…the sweat flying, the power of it releasing through my cells until peace was there…that was my first time meeting my anger…what a beautiful experience. 

If we all just moved with all of our emotions…what a wondrous world this would be…let them out, set them free…let them be felt and heard and seen..no need to yell at anyone…most of the time…we are screaming to be heard, most TO HEAR OURSELF…FEEL OURSELF, BE WITH OURSELF. As really, this is who we most need to be heard by and honored by. So listen to your heart, your emotions, be with them…love them, dance with them…let them out, let them be free…let them be lived through the sound of your body moving and sounds of your voice…in nature, alone in your room…anywhere you can move…in a bathroom stall…just feel and be and move it all out…and if you can make sound…I prefer gibberish…let it be heard by you..felt and sounded to be released, honored and enjoyed…as the emptying of this all leave space for joy, love, peace, relief, release…passions to take flight…ideas to come to fruition…plant that seed by feeling it all first…and then letting it all sprout forth!

Dance, feel, move and be with it all….let your emotions free, let them be danced out!

She Comes First- Healthy Outlook on Sex & Touch

I walked into the library to pick up a book “She Come First”, a book I have been recommending to clients, friends and intimates…but I realize it was time to read it. I get to the counter and the woman looks at me, I tell her I have a book on hold, she seems like she is having problems walking over to get the book. She takes a look at the title, and she pauses, she turns it cover side down, she doesn’t look at me at all. It is as if I feel shame or some kind of intense emotion coming from her as she slides it across the counter to me…no words, no looking up…almost like “don’t remind me of this”. 

It made me think…if we all had a healthy sex life with ourselves and with another or others, if we gauged sex as healthy, normal, a way of being healthy in the world…whether you are poly or monogamous…just that sex is healthy, safe, honoring, enjoyable, blissful, opening, healing, ecstatic, joyous and a celebration of life to share with ourself and another being…and if sex didn’t have to be a scary place of pain and violence, but a place to be held, loved, adored, stroked sweetly, or with consent more aggressively, nourishing, uplifting, connected with no negative aggression or being treated like a piece of meat or a thing or a hole to be used and thrown away afterward…if we were to all…men and women alike, honored each other, cherished each other…saw and felt sex as a whole world of healthy, safe and loving…how different this world would be. 

Would people have as many health problems, would we have the obesity levels that we do, the anger at the opposite sex, which makes it hard to be intimate with them…if that is your sex of choice to be with sexually, would we have so much anxiety, shoving down emotions when it comes to intimacy, would we have so much PTSD from rape and sexual violence…I think our world would be a different place if we were raised that sex is good, healthy, loving, honoring, an thing to be cherished…even if were amongst friends, lovers, partners. We might even have sex in marriages years into in a healthy form as then we could talk about more of what our wants and desires are…have fantasies come true, expand in our communication about our needs and desires. Instead of the fear that “if I enjoy this I’m bad”, “if I ask for what I want he will think”…. “If I really let go she might…”, “if I tell her/him I have this fantasy, it might mean….”….fear kills sex, feeling unsafe kills sex, love, intimacy.

I’d love to see a world that sees sex as healthy, even if that means only with ourselves. I was raised to believe the self pleasuring was bad…it took me years to unwind that…and it’s one of the things I love to teach now as of how many obstacles that were in my way. And I am still working through stuff around sex and sexuality, I don’t know many that don’t have something to work on around this topic of sex. 

When has all touch become sexual. This is why I love facilitating cuddling or conscious touch classes or massage classes….as not all touch is sexual. 

I know when I came to LA and started doing massage, how many men only got touched when they had sex, so they thought if I was going to massage them it was going to be sexual…I had to teach them…touch is touch, it can be sensual, it can be therapeutic, and both, and it doesn’t have to lead to anything, touch is just touch. It is what both people want to do with it is what we make of it…but both have to be on board.

I recently have had a beautiful encounter with a lovely being that all we did was caress, and touch, and enjoy the movement and caresses and the rolling around of each others bodies…it was some beautiful sexual play without the sex or intercourse…but it was very much intimate and like making love…without the penetration.

I dream of a day that touch and sex are seen as two different things and that sex is uplifted, honored and cherished in a loving way and that all beings are honored for being who they are around sex…even if that means A sexual. I pray for the day that people see sex as healthy, sacred, fun, playful, loving, expansive, intimate…and to unite in it only when both parties, or more, are a HELL YES! And I dream of seeing how having a healthy outlook on life will make us all healthier in our lives, bodies and thoughts.