Talking about Sex with My Mother

Yesterday my mother asks “Heather, so it doesn’t bother you to talk about sex with people”?
“No mom, I love it. To support others to have a great sex life and deepen their intimacy, that is the best! Nothing better than that! In fact if it wasn’t for you I might not be doing what I do. What I remember you talking to me about as a kid and teen is sex, sexuality, our first sex talks in 3rd grade, 5th grade, 8th grade and then your non stop talking of sex once you got a sex life when I was 16 years old. That is what I remember us talking about.”
“We talked about other things too, not just about sex”
“It is what I remember, it is what stood out for me, I don’t remember talking about much else, except family stuff”.
She was surprised by this.

Truth is…I don’t remember us talking about much else, and I know because of her giving me full permission to ask her anything I wanted, I did. So in 3rd grade I asked her… “ok mom…so I know the boy gets on top of the girl and moved up and down, but what happens”?
Her response… “go grab a pad of paper, a pen and get your brother”!
“My brother, no!”
“I’ve already had this conversation with him and he might be able to help you understand it better then me”.

Well, I don’t remember my brother being there…but I remember her using some big strange words…I’m guessing words like vagina and uterus…that sounded strange to me. She never did talk to me in any of our talks about foreplay, or asking for what you want…and of course I didn’t know to ask about such things.

But because of those talks, I am the one that all the girls came to and some boys came to talk about sex and what to do, etc.
Once I got of age to date, I started experimenting…I wanted to perfect kissing, so I kissed 30 boys in 3 months, and then there there was oral, the first time I had this experience of giving, I asked questions and got great feedback and it was the beginning of a whole new and wonderful world for me…a world of exploration, but even more so a world of Art. That is how I saw sexuality and making love, eating, giving oral, washing my body, washing a partners body, giving a massage…it was all art to me, still is. It was Life & Loving as Art!

Now my mother did have some training that wasn’t healthy around intimacy…like “sex is about men and give them what they want” and “don’t touch yourself as you’ll be less sensitive when you get older”. That is how she was trained and what she thought and it has taken a lot of time to unwind those early trainings…it hasn’t been easy to embrace in my adult years the sex is about me and my pleasure too and to really enjoy touching myself and pleasuring myself…though I will say both of these things, as challenging as they have been for me in my life, they are what I love to teach so much in my work. To give a woman or a man permission to ask for what they want in love making or to teach people how to self pleasure…there is nothing like it! It truly thrills me! As I know what the other side feels like and I love taking them on the journey to sexual empowerment and owning their own pleasure.

I’m grateful for those early talks with my mother…it is what I remember most, as I knew it was important to me, and it is. It is my sexuality and relationship are my most favorite topics to talk about and the healing of sexuality! Such beautiful conversations and it is life changing and I love supporting that kind of change in the word…a better sex and intimacy life for people!